because of these things

Day #90: Weather

Today was overcast. The cold is calling me back, welcoming me into its freezing arms.

Love,

Nicole

Day #83: Existence

It’s a been a while. Forgive me. I’m not even going to continue this blog without acknowledging that it might just be one post every 2 weeks where I say “It’s been a while. Forgive me” or some variation of that.

I don’t wanna try and sum up what my life has been for the last 2 weeks or so, it’s too much to put into words so I will just give the simplest explanation of my day. I was sitting on my little sister’s bed after she went to sleep, making sure she had everything prepared in her backpack for her first day of high school tomorrow, and my kitty Jude jumped up and laid down next to me to obviously oversee my work. I pet him and for the first time, I really looked at him. I look at so many people and animals and places and I see a lot. I’ve looked at him before; I’ve looked at a lot of people thoroughly, but only a few people I have really seen. Beyond the little things, like moles or birthmarks or the way one eye is bigger than the other. I see something that is not for the eye, but for something greater, to be consumed by something I can’t tangibly feel. I looked at Jude and thought how strange that there was a time in my life where he didn’t exist and that there will be a time in my life where he won’t exist, assuming I outlive him. To think of a world where someone present now didn’t or won’t exist is a strange thing to really feel. So strange it’s almost unimaginable.

Love,

Nicole

Day #67: Rekindling

Lately I’ve been rekindling my love for old Hollywood and its glamour that I’ve always loved but hasn’t really be prominent. A couple days ago I watched Funny Girl for the first time in months and ugh, I would give anything to have a sliver of Barbara’s talent. Today I watched Meet Me in St. Louis and Little Women. Judy Garland and Elizabeth Taylor are exquisitely talented. Whatever happened to class?

Love,

Nicole

Day #63: Headache

I’ve had a headache for the better part of today and let me tell you, it sucks.

Just as my mother was cooking dinner I decided to lie down because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I laid in my bed and listened to my family crack jokes at my expense which they tend to do once in a while. Mostly my older sister, but still. They like to dramatize how overdramatic I am. I know it’s confusing, bear with me. I am completely overdramatic, I know that about myself. But sometimes my family likes to think that’s my only trait and harp on it.

So while I was lying in bed wondering whether headaches are supposed to burn like someone lit my brain on fire, I was being made fun of in the other room. Then, because I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts drifted to much worse conclusions. What if I had a brain aneurysm and died? What if I was one of those freak accidents where all of a sudden, with no warning, your brain starts hurting and you die? Then I thought, well, if I die that’ll show them. They’ll feel so terrible about themselves because I’m DEAD.

I guess I am overdramatic.

Love,

Nicole